Thursday, October 13, 2011

Jeans- 1 Katie- 0

I have found the new definition of skinny jeans-  Jeans that fit last winter, but are now about a size too small but you decided to squeeze your wide ass into them anyway.  I thought, "They will stretch a little as the day goes on."  HA! WHAT was I THINKING?  I am going with, "the jeans cut off circulation to my brain" excuse. 

To top it off, I had vocals class today.  Needless to say, I was able to go into my high range with absolutely no problems.  However, my professor told me that I had to expand my mid section to breathe properly.  This required me to give a disclaimer for everyone to back up.... just in case the button on my jeans gave way, flew across the room and lodged itself in a classmates eye.  I just cannot live with that on my conscience.  

As of now... Jeans-1 Katie-0

This weekend the tables will turn when I purchase a few pairs of jeans that do not cause me to break into a cold sweat and become light headed.  Then the jeans of my demise can just sit there.. in the dresser... feel completely left out and neglected.  I hope those jeans feel as badly and they made me feel today!!!  (shakes fist)

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Their Mother the Crypt Keeper

I want to start off by saying that I truly love my children. With that being said... I truly want a vacation away from my children. 

I have two boys, age 11 and 10 and I am amazed every day that as much love as I feel for them, they are actually changing the color of my skin to a Crypt Keeper Gray. It's almost Halloween and I am using that as an excuse for now. Getting into the "Spirit of Halloween". 

I was diagnosed with Progressive MS a few years ago and was told that while I am strengthening my body, I also need to be as stress free as possible. That was the day I learned you can actually laugh to the point of seeing pixies. I don't care what anyone says.... I laughed so hard at that.... I SAW PIXIES!

What mother on the planet doesn't have stress? Add to that, I don't drive and the closest person to me that can take me anywhere is three hours away. That would be the husband that works in NASHVILLE. That's something I will get to at another time. 
I live in a small town in Indiana and there is NO public transportation near me. The closest thing to that, is a little old man in a golf cart that takes his grandchildren and some of their friends to a park.
I have taken my children to that same park and that lasted about 5 minutes. My kids are really in the computer generation and they don't know how to play in a setting that is not virtual. I do blame myself for that, but I only take so much of the blame. 
I tried my best to get them to actually enjoy this alien thing called "fresh air" but all they did was sneeze. No, now that I think about it, my oldest (who does have a sun allergy-of course he does), did manage to run for a straight 30 seconds as fast as he could screaming, "I HAVE DIRT IN MY SHOE". But hey....he ran.
I got them home and they had their tech "fix" and all was right with their world. In their "instant" world. 
They want to hear a it. They want to watch a movie.....go to netflix. Friend can't talk on the phone, text them or email them. Youtube is the end all be all in this house. 

It's a very easy thing to just say, "Take it away from them". I have had many suggest that. I do feel I need to do something because it's starting to get to me. This NOW thing and them being stuck in the house with me so much. Because of the guilt I feel, I do let them get away with somethings they really shouldn't. But some times at the end of the day, I am just saying the alphabet in hopes that my brain has not liquefied. 
My youngest still is not aware that he has no umbilical cord attached to me anymore. I have tried to point that out to him, but to no avail. He waits for me by the bathroom door and if I take to long (some time I am just in the fetal in the bathtub), he will draw a picture of an eye and slip it under the door. All of a sudden I hear him say, (in a creepy red rum kind of way), "I see you". That's freaky! I really think that comes from living in a house with me day in and day out and not really going anywhere. I am really all he knows. He is my shadow and my cross. I do love him, but I fear if he doesn't learn to do things that doesn't involve me, this is going to happen.............
At his wedding, where he should be standing, I will be there instead. His bride will walk down the aisle, get to me....and then I will unhook a baby carrier that I have had to have custom made, have her turn around and strap it to her back...and then run like hell.

I love him DEARLY but there has got to be SOMETHING out there for him to do. The only thing he is into, is Naruto....which is a Japanese based cartoon that I can't find ANY action figure for. Found some once online, but when I showed it to him, of course he didn't like any of the ones they were selling. 

Lead as much of a stress free life as possible.....LOL I am working on it.

Sunday, October 9, 2011

My boob has a pen pal!!!! by Katie

Yes, you read that right.  Before you click the red "x" in the corner, yes, I took my meds this morning.  There is a reasonable explanation behind the title.  

Last winter, we had a blizzard in Indiana and someone started a group page on FB about it.  People were posting all sort of pictures, and I came across a peeved boob in snow picture and busted up laughing.  I HAD to know who the woman was behind the picture.  I was lead to The Misadventures of Miss Mopsy and fell in love with the creators sense of humor.  She is a breast cancer survivor and has uses humor to deal with her cancer and mastectomy.  Dawn isn't famous, her story isn't featured in the newspapers or on TV.  She will probably not be contacted by Dateline, 20/20 or 60 minutes to share her story.  She is not wealthy--monetarily.  Regardless of her lack of wealth and anonymity-- SHE IS a SURVIVOR and  has become one of my heroes.  Dawn has taught me the meaning of being comfortable in my own skin and I have learned that when life throws lemons at you, make lemonade throw  lemons back at life.  I owe her more than she could ever imagine.  And it all came from posting one incredibly hilarious picture of a prosthetic boob.  

So now that I have all the mushy sappy stuff out of the way.......  The reason behind the post is National Breast Cancer Awareness month.  I am not a breast cancer survivor and pray that I never have to be, but I do have a prosthetic breast.  God has a sense of humor and it landed square on my chest.  When I was 13-ish, I was to be in my aunt's wedding and while fitting my dress, my aunt noticed that one breast was noticeably larger than the other.  Let the drama begin!!!  She freaked out, which meant calling my mom into the room to point it out and so on. The end result was having my mom, all of my aunts and grandmother all in the room inquisitively examining my breasts.  I felt like an awkward Molly Ringwald in 16 candles, "Look Fred! She's got her boobies!"  I was waiting for a chinese boy to show up from out of nowhere and call me "hot stuff".  

Aunt:  Did you notice this before?

Me: Um.. yes
Aunt: Michelle get in here!
Mom: What?
Aunt:  Something is wrong with Katie!  You have to see this! Katie show your mom!

Mom:  Why didn't you tell me?
Me: I didn't know that it was weird.
Grandma:  What's going on?  What happened?
Me:  Um.. nothing? I don't know
Aunts and Mom:  I've never seen anything like that before
Mom:  Are you sure nothing happened?
Me:  I don't think so
Grandma:  You should take her to the doctor.
Mom:  When we get home, I'm calling the doctor.

Cue self esteem issues!  As if it wasn't bad enough that I had just gone through the Spanish Inquisition with the female members of my family, now I had to go through it with a doctor whom I had never been to before.  He explained that it happens from time to time, nothing to be worried about and the situation would most likely correct itself with time.  Um.. WRONG!  The older I got, the more one developed while the other did not.  I would never wear form fitting shirts (which was kind of depressing because I had a rockin body as a teenager!) and shopping for a bra was a scenario that would lead to the questionable sanity of anyone.

Fast forward twenty some years... I was referred to a specialty bra boutique,  in town and the attendant, Kay, was so sympathetic and understanding about my situation.  After trying different pads in the bra with no success, she brought in a prosthetic for mastectomy patients and helped me try it on..  I broke into tears.  For the first time since I was 13, I felt and looked normal again.  She gave me a hug and actually got a little teary eyed herself.  I was still a little embarrassed about it, but at least now I could hide my lopsided-ness.  A year later, I found Miss ChiChi, Miss Mopsy and Miss Fancy who are proudly owned by Dawn.  I shared my story with her and said our boobs should become pen pals.  She was all for it and encouraged me to do it.  But, that's all the further it went.. Talk.  I was still uncomfortable with my own skin.  There is no coming back from posting pictures online, openly,  of your prosthetic boob.  It is the final, official act of admission that your body is not perfect.  To admit that I am not perfect takes an act of God and is almost heresy!

Until last week.  I started taking pictures of "Diadoma" and posted them on FB for everyone to see.  Couldn't stop there!  I had to let Mopsy, ChiChi and Fancy meet their new pen pal!   I don't know what it is that did it.  Maybe it's because it's Breast Cancer Awareness month.  Maybe it's because Dawn's bravery and sense of humor taught me to laugh at my own imperfections.  Or maybe it's because I am finally willing to embrace my flaws and let them be part of what makes me-- me.  Perhaps it is because I have learned that God's showing his sense of humor through "the girls"  automatically places me in a 50% higher rate of developing breast cancer, not including my family history of cancer, the fact that I smoke, have a  serious Vitamin D deficiency (sunshine is the enemy.  It makes vampires sparkle) and took estrogen after my hysterectomy.   Honestly, they should probably cut the girls off now, before cancer can does develop.  

Moral of the story... Quit being so self conscious about your imperfections.  Learn to share the imperfections with the world and laugh at it.  You never know who is watching and will be encouraged by you.